With the Incarnation of Love

Extracts from a talk given by Russell Perkins, 14 October 1973, on his return from India.

There is a story of Chuang Tsu that says that one night he dreamed he was a butterfly, and when he woke up he wasn’t sure if he was man who had dreamed he was a butterfly, or if he was a butterfly dreaming he was a man.

It’s such a different world, over there with Him …

He’s such a blazing incarnation of Love. The day before I left, He asked me,

Well, what have you gotten? Have you received anything?

And I couldn’t tell Him; I couldn’t tell Him, because it was too much. My eyes filled up and I tried to tell Him, but I couldn’t. But He gave me exactly what my soul cried out for. And while it was a short stay less than three weeks – there’s a phrase:

Short but sweet.

I don’t think it could have been any better if I had been there three years. And Master is not bound by time; if we went for one day, He could give us in that day what we need. If we let Him.

*****

The darshans were beautiful beyond words. One night, after He had been silent for some time, He leaned forward and said with great emphasis,

I have just one thing to say to you: You are all running a race. Try and finish first. Don’t look to see what the other man is doing, whether he is running ahead of you or behind you. Don’t look to the left or the right. Just have the ruling passion to finish first – the ruling passion.

He said that on several occasions.

And thinking about it, I realised that so much of our energy goes into looking at what the other man is doing, one way or another. If we think he’s ahead of us, we get jealous; if we think he’s behind us, we get critical. If he’s doing something we don’t like, we worry and worry and worry. But all we have to do is aim for that finish line and go there.

And it’s so clear that this is what Master wants from us. All He wants is for us to head for that finish line and get there.

And we’re not racing against anybody – we’re not racing against ourselves either. We’re just racing to get there, as fast as we can. If everyone finished at the same time, that would please Him the most! He doesn’t care who finishes ahead of who; He just wants each man to go as fast as he can and get there – and get there.

*****

He talked about gratitude, too. He went over some of the points in the Thanksgiving talk that He gave in Anaheim last November.

He said to us,

Be grateful. The earth was once asked ‘How do you bear this tremendous burden of everything standing on you?’ And the earth replied that ‘the only thing that’s hard for me to bear is an ungrateful man.’

He said if a man has ten things that he wants, and there’s an eleventh thing that he does not have that he wants, he’ll forget all about the ten things that he has and worry about the eleventh thing that he doesn’t have.

That struck home. Many things that He said like that really struck home to me, and I thought:

This is what I do.

And I would pray,

Please Master, make it so that I’m not that way – so that I am grateful.

And I would realise how much of our experience with the Master is tied up with what we want from Him in a personal, demanding way. We want Him to notice us, to call us by name, to recognise us. I want that, too.

But this time I realised,

Who am I to want these things? This is the Master! This is the incarnation of God sitting here in front of me, and I want Him to notice me?

At some of the most beautiful charged-up darshans of all, He hardly looked at me once the whole time. But He didn’t need to because I realised He’s always looking at us. He’s always aware of us. And He’s always giving.

When He looks us in the eyes, that’s a special thing, but if we’re open to receive it we’re getting it all the time.

He said that in connection with people over here; He quoted Kabir as saying that

if a man lives beyond seven oceans (and He said, ‘America is beyond seven oceans, is it not? – beyond all oceans?’) and directs his attention this way, then? He’ll get it!

And he will. It’s a matter of whether we let Him or not. One of the last things He said to me, as I was saying goodbye, was:

If you let me, I’ll go all along with you.

If you let me, I’ll go all along with you. It’s up to us. And I see very clearly that we have problems, sometimes connected with our own selves and sometimes with others – problems so huge that we just can’t see our way out of them – and the answer is simply to accept the Love that the Master wants to give us. He wants to give it to us. It’s pouring out from Him – literally – sometimes you can almost see it, coming from Him in huge waves.

And this is why, you see, the Master gives essentially the same talk over and over again, and explains things in the same simple basic way. Even at the darshans sometimes, He would give almost a standard talk. With such Love He would tell it, glancing deep into our eyes. And He would so sweetly say those things we’ve heard Him say over and over –

God is Love; soul is of the same essence as that of God,

and so on.

The point is that these teachings represent the answer to all our problems when we apply them. But the trouble is that we give assent to them with one part of our being but not with all our being. So when we do apply them, when we do Master the favour, you might say, of taking Him seriously – about surrender, and really doing what He says – then these huge engulfing problems clear up. Their strength is given to them by our attention.

Of course, He always says,

If you love me, keep my commandments.

I think it’s important that the ‘love me’ comes first. If we love Him, we can keep His commandments. To try to keep His commandments without loving Him – that’s a hard thing. Sometimes you hear people talking about the commandments in terms of repression and strain, and this and that. Well, it’s not like that. To talk about it that way is like talking about playing left field in a basketball game. It has nothing to do with what Master wants. We love Him; because we love Him, we find great pleasure in doing what He asks. It’s the thing that gives us the most sweetness.

*****

One time He asked me if I had any questions. And I didn’t.

He said,

Well, you are silent; that means either you are empty or you are full. Only the half full make noise.

And He told a story of Akbar the Great and his minister Birbal. And Birbal was Akbar’s favourite minister, and all the others were jealous of him because Akbar loved him so much. And it so happened that Birbal came from a very low-class family – illiterates. And Birbal’s enemies reasoned that if Akbar knew the truth about Birbal’s family, he wouldn’t love him anymore. So they arranged for Birbal’s father to receive an invitation to visit Akbar at the palace.

Birbal understood what was going on, and he said to his father,

All right, Father, you can ask him a few questions – how his health is and how the government is going – but after that, remain quiet. No matter what he says, keep quiet.

Because he was afraid that he would make a fool of himself. So his father came and visited Akbar, and did what he was told; and the next day Akbar said to Birbal, kind of scornfully,

Well, what would you do if you met a foolish man?

And Birbal said,

I would keep quiet.

Another time He was talking about the difference between acting and posing and really having something, and He told about a man who was very learned, and he had a brother, and everyone said,

Well, he is so learned, his brother must be learned, too;

but he was ashamed to admit that his brother was not a learned man. So he took all his books and piled them up in his house, in such a way as to make a path running through the books, and then he made his brother walk through them.

Then when he was asked if his brother was learned, he said,

Oh yes, he has passed through all that.

*****

At some of the darshans we had to wait a long time for the Master to come, because He’s still so terribly busy, working 18 hours a day. But I loved the waiting, because I realised that I would rather be waiting for the Master than any other thing except being with the Master. Once, after a specially long wait, He came in and said so sweetly,

I have kept you people waiting a long time today. But waiting has its own bliss, does it not? Its own sweet bliss. Because when you’re waiting for someone, you are sitting in sweet expectation of the one for whom you are waiting – is it not?

When those darshans were over, I would leave and go back to my room and I’d feel so unbelievably happy it was like my whole body was singing. I’d try to walk, but it would be like I was bouncing and floating both at once. The happiness seemed to stretch my whole insides tight, there was so much of it.

*****

Someone asked him about worrying about results during meditation. He said,

You plant a seed in the ground; then every day you dig it up to see how it’s doing; what happens?

*****

Master went away for a couple of days while I was there. That was a hard thing – the hardest thing the whole time. For ten days the darshans seemed to have been getting better and better each time – each one seemed more beautiful and powerful than the one before it. Just walking over to Master’s house was heavenly. And I knew in my heart that it couldn’t keep on like this – the pattern was going to break. There was no outward indication of it, though, and while we had heard at the beginning of October 1973 the week that Master was going to go to Dehra Dun without us, nothing more was said, and His Presence was so overwhelming that the idea of His leaving was unthinkable. And the next morning He was gone.

You know, I almost went insane. I had really been feeding on Him; I was being sustained by His Presence. I would wake up in the morning and think, well, in just a few minutes I’ll see Him. And during the day I would think, pretty soon I’ll be seeing Him. And now He was gone. And my mind felt like it had been put in a cage three times too small for it. And the thought was pounding, I must go to Him, I must, I must. I was all set to take a taxi and follow Him on my own. But I didn’t.

And later I realised that this was a very important thing: that it was absolutely necessary for separation to occur at that point. And eventually I grew to thank Him for that as well as for all the other gifts. Separation is also a gift. Believe me, we cannot spend more time in His company than we can assimilate.

One of the Westerners there, a very wise lady, emphasised that she had found the importance of recognising – of knowing – that every gesture, every move, that the Master makes is absolutely fully conscious. It is the best possible thing for Him to give us. It may not be what appeals to us, but it’s 100 per cent perfect. And this is the attitude, whether or not it satisfies the logical mind, that leads to the goal we want to reach. If we are absolutely convinced of Master’s omniscience, then we become what He wants us to become and what we want to become – that’s the point. Because why are we in this in the first place? We take the initiation because we want to find God, and then we ignore all the things which He is giving us for the purpose of enabling us to find God.

One evening someone asked Master if He would speak on prayer. The Master looked at him with the funniest look and said,

Have you read the book, ‘Prayer’?

And the man said,

Indeed I have, Sir.

Master looked around at all of us – His eyes were twinkling like anything – and He said,

Go read it again!

Then He talked about prayer – how those prayers are successful when your heart, mind and tongue all agree.

He said that generally they don’t agree.

He said,

We take the Master’s words and we modify them with what we want to put in.

And that’s where we get into trouble; that’s what we do. I have observed in my own life and also in others, that we cut off that part of the Master’s teaching that cuts too close to the bone. We don’t want to hear it. It’s natural; but if we want to find God?

It’s like the story told by Baba Sawan Singh of the man who was bringing a horse to drink water from a well with a Persian wheel. And there was a Jat – a peasant-running the Persian wheel, and it was making a creaking noise which the horse didn’t like. So when the horse came near to drink, he shied away from the noise. So the soldier asked the peasant to stop running the wheel. But when he did that, there wasn’t any water. So the horse came up and there was no water to drink; so the soldier asked the Jat to run the wheel again, and as soon as he did, the horse shied back.

This happened a few times, and finally the Jat said,

Well, Officer, you’ll just have to whip him and make him do it, and when he starts drinking, he’ll forget about the creaking.

There’s no alternative sometimes – we have to realise that the very fear which keeps us from doing what the Master says 100 per cent is the cause of all our problems.

We complain,

Well, I am in this kind of misery, I am in that kind of misery,

and we think the Path may not be good for us because of the high standards it sets, etc. But the cause of our misery is our holding back! The solution lies in accepting wholeheartedly that which we really want in our deepest Self – or we would not have taken the initiation to begin with – and doing it!

Again, it must be done out of Love for Him. Sometimes people say that they can’t love Him – they haven’t spent enough time with Him, etc. Well, I know this for a fact: that while it’s easier to love Master when you’re with Him, and the more you’re with Him the easier it gets,

Love for the Master is not withheld from anybody who really wants it.

If we want it, we can have it – it’s as simple as that. As His children, that’s our right. If we ask for it, we will have it, and that in itself will enable us to do everything else. It is a Path of Love. And His Love for us is indeed infinite. I say that not only from my experience, but also from the experience of others who have been with Him.

*****

One night I just thanked Him for being here. He said,

Why? Why not thank the tailor? If a coat fits well, will you not thank the tailor?

*****

He said to us once,

You people in the West, you have two days a week off. Is that not true? Two days a week?

– Yes, Master.

He said,

Why not use them for meditation?

Then He looked at us and said,

Or perhaps only one day?

Because this is a strong and serious business, you know; the opportunity is given to us to find God. We put everything else first; we think that because two hours a day is the minimum, that’s all we have to put in. We think if we put in more, we’re being ascetic; but we don’t do it in an ascetic way, that’s the point. If we love somebody, we think of their pleasure, we do things that will please them and that makes us happy. That’s where our pleasure lies. If our pleasure lies in having them please us, then everyone knows that’s not Love. So if we love Him, we will do what makes Him happy because really, that makes us happy. It’s a very beautiful, very sweet thing which has its roots in the fact that it is first He who loves us; our Love is reciprocal. …

*****

The two days that Master was gone were very sobering. I put a lot of time in meditation and of course as the weekend went on, each passing hour brought His return closer and that made it easier. And on Monday morning I was really happy again. First we heard He would be there about noon; then two o'clock; then four o'clock; then six o'clock. Now during those two days that He was gone, ten new people arrived, including one couple with two children whom I love very much, from our Satsang. And this first day, the husband was feeling a little sick to his stomach, probably from the water, which tends to make you queasy for a couple of days, until you get used to it. So he thought maybe some Coca Cola would help – and it is a fact that it does help in this kind of digestive disorder.It was quarter to five when I learned this.

Now Master was due back at six; but I had a very healthy intuition that He was coming sooner. And I was over at His house on the porch, waiting for Him with my whole heart, and looking forward to seeing Him so much I can’t tell you.

And I thought, Well, if that man had a Coke, it would help him, and I’d sure like to see him have it, so I asked around but there was none available, or so it seemed; I would have to leave the Ashram and go to a store and buy one. But I was afraid to leave the Ashram because I knew Master was coming soon, and I had been waiting two and a half days to see Him. I really didn’t want to go. Selfless service said to go and get it for him; longing for His darshan, which I wanted so badly, said to wait there so I wouldn’t miss Him.

And I debated and thought it over and paced back and forth.

Finally, I thought,

Well, you never lose anything when you give –

remembering His words.

I thought, 

I’ll get it for him.

And I started off. I got all the way out to the main gate by the bridge, and just as I reached there I heard someone yelling,

Maharaj Ji! Maharaj Ji!

I looked up and there was Master’s car coming across the bridge! I jumped back, and as He came around the corner, I was standing there – all alone. I had the first darshan of anyone at the whole Ashram! When He saw me there, He moved across the back seat and smiled so beautifully and greeted me out of that window. And I just melted inside, you know – because, you see.

You never lose anything when you give.

See? After a struggle, I took it on face value, and it was right! Not only did I not lose anything, but I gained so much!

I ran back to greet Him as He got out of the car – and someone turned up with a Coca Cola for that man! They had heard me asking and gotten one for him. So he got it, and we all had darshan, and everything was perfect, and that is what I would say is the truth of the matter – that everything is perfect. It is we who make the flaws. Even if somebody or some circumstance seems to be wrong, all we have to do is run that race and get to that finish line, and leave the rest to Him.

I had a long talk with Him about the work here and the way I sometimes feel – sometimes it seems like a lot – when I forget Him – and I get a little discouraged.

And He said,

You forget that you are not alone. There is Someone working over your head. Never forget that.

And that’s true, you know, of each and every one of us. We get into ruts and we forget that we are not alone. Since He said that, I have repeated it sometimes:

You are not alone. You are not alone.

Because He is there! He is there.